Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My girlfriend and I have been together for about eight months. Only recently, I found out that she and a very good male friend of hers used to be an item a few years ago. She told me that, although it was never a big romance, they had sex a couple of times when they were both drunk.
They still hang out together quite frequently. He is almost 10 years older, and though I pretty much know that she has not been unfaithful, I have felt uneasy about it ever since she told me about the guy. Is there something wrong with me? Or do you think their being such good buddies is a warning sign and something I should be concerned about?
ó Suddenly Vulnerable
If you know this was in the past, your girlfriend was open enough to tell you about it, and everything else is good, you are definitely being insecure for no good reason. That they are still friends ought to be interpreted as a good sign, because a woman who can sustain friendships with former romantic partners (if you want to call having sex a couple of times when someone is drunk "romantic") tells me that she is a secure person. At this point, however, you donít sound very secure. Get over it. I donít see a problem here and you shouldnít either.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My boyfriend is 26 years old, and Iím 24. Heís a really, really good looking guy, and has doted on me and been really faithful for the year that weíve been seeing each other. However, he seems very interested in reading GQ magazine all the time, and Iím just wondering if perhaps he is gay and doesnít know it yet. Like I said, he is really good looking, and both guys and girls have been known to come on to him, all of which he has rebuffed. It also doesnít seem to bother him that guys are attracted to him. Maybe Iím nuts, but that sends up little red flags for me. What do you think?
ó Just Wondering
Boy, have you had too much to think! Since when was being "really good looking" an indicator of sexual orientation? Since when is not being upset that people of the same gender find someone attractive a clue that they might be gay? It sounds like your boyfriend is a mature and intelligent person, something that you should consider a very positive trait.
As for GQ, to my knowledge, it is not a gay or straight-specific publication. It does have a lot of features about male fashion. Dr. Lovemonkey, who has notoriously little interest in clothing, checks out GQ on occasion and recently read, in fact, a very interesting profile of Howard Deanís former campaign manager, Joe Trippi. David Sedaris, one of the best and funniest writers in American letters, is a regular contributor to the magazine. Sedaris is gay (as are many top-notch artists). Does this mean anything? I seriously doubt it. I would suggest that you just get on with what seems like a good and positive relationship.
Sounds like youíve been buying into some ridiculous stereotypes. No more watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy for you for at least a month. Imagination is good when used properly, but nothing you have said leads me to suspect that your boyfriend is confused about his orientation.
Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net.
Issue Date: April 2 - 8, 2004
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