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Back and forth [Dr. Lovemonkey]

Send me your problems in care of Dr. Lovemonkey at the Providence Phoenix, 150 Chestnut Street, Providence, RI 02903, or by e-mail to rcheeks[a]phx.com.


Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I'm a 28-year-old single female. I met a wonderful guy on the Internet. He is 32, divorced, and also has no kids. We met in September and broke up around Christmas. I was the one who broke it off, mainly because he rarely got in touch with me, we never made plans, and I seemed to be somewhat low on his priority list. He even told me when we started communicating that his job was a very important thing in his life.

After we split up, I realized how much I missed him. Instead of dumping him, I should have tried to work it out by telling him that I wanted more time and attention. He is really a great guy. So a few weeks after we split up, I called him to meet for a cup of coffee. I told him how I missed him, and that I wanted to try to work things out. He was surprised. He had decided by that point that we would just be friends. He felt hurt by the whole thing and needed time to think about it.

I waited about three weeks, calling every now and then, and finally, about a week ago, after a long discussion, he said he wanted to start seeing me again. He was very tense following his decision and when I asked, he told me firmly that he'd be willing to try it again, but wanted to take it slow. He said he couldn't forget that I had dumped him.

I was so happy, thinking we were going to try again. But I went online to see if he had removed his ad from the personals site where we'd initially met (he had put it back up during the month while we were split up). I was shocked and disappointed to find out that the ad is still up and that he continues to go online several times a day.

My friends say it sounds like he is stringing me along, leading me on until he meets someone else. I think he just isn't sure about us, and may be proceeding cautiously. Instead of confronting him, I have decided to back off and see what he does next. What do you think? Should I confront him?
-- Dazed and Confused

Dear Dazed and Confused,
It sounds like he's been acting in a fairly normal and healthy way. Your ambivalence about the relationship has undoubtedly spooked him a bit and it is quite likely that he is keeping his options open. Think about it for awhile and then ask yourself why he shouldn't. You were the one who broke it off and then wanted to get back together. He is willing at least to give it a shot, but it may take time before he feels comfortable enough to want to work on the relationship with you. If you think this is the right guy, hang in there and show him that you're not the wishy-washy type. Be patient. His actions and reactions all make sense to Dr. Lovemonkey, and in time, whatever will be, will be.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I regularly go to a psychic and she told me I will soon meet a guy named "Lawrence" and that he will be the one for me. Within a couple of weeks, I met a guy named Lawrence (well, actually it was his last name and it was spelled "Laurents"), but he's not very good-looking and I can't even tell if I like him or not. I believe that I should pursue a relationship, but I just don't know. What do you think?
-- Lady S.

Dear Lady S.,
Don't even worry about the prelims. Take the bull by the horns and immediately propose marriage to Mr. Laurents the next time you see him. That is unless you think there might be someone else out there with the name Lawrence, Laurence, Larry, or Lamar or . . .

Issue Date: March 7 - 13, 2003


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